Boying Up Read online

  Hair

  One of the more noticeable things testosterone does to you during puberty is that it adds hair to your body. Typically you’ll see hair under your arms, around your penis and testicles, on your upper lip (a mustache typically grows for a while before you can try to grow a beard!) and on your chest. Your leg and arm hair may get thicker and darker, too. The order this all happens in can vary, and some boys place more importance on seeing pubic hair first, while others may want mustache hair to come in. Some boys may not feel ready for any of it, and that’s not an unusual way to feel about all of these changes.

  Genetics determines if your hair comes in curly or straight and if it will be dark or light. It’s not always a simple science: dark-haired men and redheads typically have body hair and facial hair that is the same color as the hair on their heads. Blond men tend to have lighter-colored body hair, but sometimes they’ll have red facial hair because, once in a while, nature likes to mix things up. Some men grow beards with many colors (one of my friends has a beard with black, brown, red, blond and a little gray!). The length your facial hair grows is also determined by genetics: some guys may want to sport a fancy mustache that twists at the ends, and some guys may hope to grow a long bushy beard; whether you can or can’t really depends on your genes! And in case you’re wondering: chest hair, pubic hair and facial hair (not leg hair) will all eventually start to turn gray when your genetics determine that they will.

  While it is generally accepted that men don’t shave their legs and underarms and women do, for almost all of human history, women did not shave their bodies and neither did men. Hair exists to protect vulnerable parts of your body, and it actually is made to “hold” chemical scents called pheromones, which mammals produce in order to hormonally communicate with others. In many cultures, shaving, deodorants and perfumes mask these scents, but what you do about your natural odor is totally your decision. There is quite a bit of variation in terms of what people smell like and how much odor they even have! (Also, just so you know, having underarm hair doesn’t actually make you sweat more. It can make you smell more, since underarm odor comes from bacteria that lives on hair and in the clothing that touches your underarms rather than from the hair itself.)

  It usually takes until your early 20s to have your hair patterns settle in. Some men will eventually grow a lot of chest hair; others may not have much at all. Not having body hair doesn’t mean you aren’t manly or don’t have enough testosterone, and being super hairy doesn’t make you more of a man than a guy with no chest hair. While there are certain conditions where men don’t produce enough testosterone, for the most part, where and how your hair grows is just genetics. In most of your lifetimes (and mine!), we have seen a lot of male models and celebrities flaunting very little chest hair because they choose to trim it with clippers, shave it with a razor or remove it by going to a salon where they apply hot wax and pull the hair out from the roots. Some men—and women—prefer these grooming techniques because they think it is more clean looking. However, when I was growing up, chest hair was seen as a sign of maturity, and many guys wanted to have chest hair like a lot of the actors and musicians who were popular at that time. While some advertising companies present hairless men as the ideal, it’s not true that all people prefer men to not have body hair. Body hair is natural and normal however it is on your body, and while you may make choices about trimming, shaving or waxing body hair, you are not more manly if you have tons of hair or more attractive if you don’t. In fact, we are seeing a lot of men sporting mustaches and beards in popular culture in the past few years.

  Some men will grow hair on their backs—sometimes in small amounts; sometimes pretty much the whole back! Many men choose to shave their back hair or go to a salon and have it waxed off. This hurts a bit while it’s being done, but the results last longer than shaving. I, for one, don’t think there is any need for men to shave or wax their backs or any part of their body, but some women disagree with me, and many men do. Other men like to shave (or not) because they find having facial hair (or not having it) more comfortable. It’s totally up to you.

  Genetics also determines when and how you will lose your hair. There are many factors influencing how and when you’ll lose your hair. And thanks to a more accepting culture, men with thinner hair—and even bald men—are experiencing a lot of positive attention lately. Losing your hair is not the end of your attractiveness!

  Shaving How-To from a Grown-Up Boy

  As someone who has never grown a mustache or a beard—and hopes never to grow one either!—I recruited a grown-up boy to help talk about what you should know about shaving. Here are some guidelines.

  Blades: Many men shave with a razor, which is typically made to be thrown out when the blade wears out (also known as a disposable razor). There are some fancy old-fashioned kinds of razors where the handle is wood or metal and the idea is to keep the handle and replace the blade when it gets dull.

  Electric: Some men prefer an electric razor, which has to be plugged in or charged. Historically, blades gave a closer shave than electric razors, but new electric models are super fancy and can give a very close shave. If you want the closest shave possible, though, an old-fashioned razor is the way to go!

  Skin sensitivity: A razor blade may feel gentler on your skin than an electric razor, but everyone’s skin is different. If you get a rash, cut yourself frequently (these nicks usually clot within a minute or so) or your skin feels raw after shaving, try another razor or switch to electric.

  Lotions and potions: If you shave with a blade, you will need shaving cream or soap to soften the skin and keep the blade from cutting you. With an electric razor, you don’t need any shaving cream. Aftershave is something men used to use to help heal the skin from tiny nicks or cuts that can occur during shaving, and it is often alcohol based. Nowadays, with razors being so advanced, aftershave is sometimes just something that smells good! Keep in mind that the more you use aftershave or cologne, the more you get used to the smell, and sometimes you’ll end up using so much that you can be smelled from a mile away! Always use scents sparingly to avoid kids at school calling you a skunk! Another warning: When aftershave hits your skin, you may feel a slight sting for a minute or two!

  Wet or dry: Some men like to shave in the shower because the hot water and steam open up the pores and make it easier to get a close shave, since the blade is cutting closer to the base of the hair shaft. Other guys shave in front of a mirror and use the sink to rinse off their razor between passes with the blade. It’s totally up to you.

  Style: If you want to grow your facial hair into a mustache, goatee or beard, shave off everything that isn’t where you want it like a good sculptor. And be patient: remember that young hair is softer and finer than the facial hair you will eventually have once puberty is over and your testosterone levels are more elevated.

  Up or down: There are two schools of thought on which direction to shave in. Some men prefer to shave against the grain of their facial hair, from their chin up toward their cheek. This gets you a closer shave but might irritate your skin. Other men choose to shave with the grain of their facial hair, from the top of their beard line down to their chin. This is easier on your skin, but you’ll end up with more stubble. You can experiment and see what works best for you!

  THAT’S WHAT HE SAID . . .

  “Growing facial hair is a rite of passage, and it’s one of the surest ways to show the world that you are indeed becoming a man—it grants you instant bragging rights as a dude. This also means that the glorious burden of shaving will soon become part of your daily routine!”

  Your Body

  Let’s move on to understanding your anatomy. Here’s a basic map of your body.

  You have a penis with a long tube inside it called the urethra, which leads from the kidneys—where urine is made—to the opening of your penis. Your penis is basically the passageway from the ins
ide of your body to the outside. (Girls have a urethra as well, but they also have a second opening called the vagina. More on this later!) Boys’ genitals—the penis and testicles—are on the outside of the body. Testicles come in a pair, and they are in a sensitive pouch called the scrotum. If you’ve ever been hit in the testicles, you know that it is very painful! It can be so painful that it might even make you throw up. Interestingly, the nerves that control pain from your testicles end up in your stomach, so that when you get hit in this very delicate part of you, the message your brain gets is to clutch your stomach and roll into a ball to protect your testicles from potential further damage. This instinct is primal and is based on your desire to protect your future children, because your sperm cells, which will be needed if you one day want to have children, are inside of the testicles.

  The penis is a muscle, and as with any muscle, when blood flows into it, it gets activated. Because of the blood inside it, the penis can change size and become hard. That’s called an erection. One of the things testosterone does during puberty is it causes boys to have erections more frequently. Especially in your tween and teen years, as your body and brain figure things out, you may sometimes have an erection at times you don’t expect to. As you mature, your brain gets a better handle on when the time is really right to have an erection. So keep in mind that even though it can be uncomfortable or embarrassing, it’s completely normal and it happens to every guy you know—even adults. Also, know that waking up with an erection is very common for boys and men of all ages, since the hormones responsible for erections peak at night and increase until dawn.

  Penises can vary quite a bit, and so can scrotums. Ask any pediatrician, and they will tell you that some penises are longer than others; some are shorter. Some are straight, others curve a bit. Some men have the foreskin removed as babies in a procedure called circumcision; this makes the head of the penis look different from an uncircumcised penis, which has a foreskin that retracts. And even the scrotum has variability, so don’t worry if you notice differences even between you and your sibling. Every body is different, and there is not really a “normal” size, shape or type of penis or scrotum!

  Here are a few sketches of what some penises and scrotums look like (and all are normal except the last one!):

  Emotions play a part in how your penis works, too. It’s not just about blood flow at different times of the day. Part of the brain’s way of preparing you for becoming a young man and eventually a grown-up man is introducing chemicals in puberty that are connected to your ability to make babies. (I know you’re not ready to be a dad right now, but your brain and body basically start to practice during puberty.) What this means is that your brain starts looking at people differently to figure out who you find attractive, and sometimes when you are attracted to something about someone, it sends a message to your penis to fill with blood. Basically, your brain is telling your body, “Hey, that’s the kind of person we could reproduce with.” That whole process—looking at someone you find attractive and getting an erection in response—is called arousal.

  Getting aroused and having an erection sometimes leads to ejaculation, when the penis releases sperm. The sperm are carried to the outside of the penis in a fluid called semen. Releasing sperm in semen is a normal part of being a boy and a man, and since semen contains the cells that could make a baby, ejaculating is kind of your body’s way of learning how to eventually make a baby. Every ejaculation contains about 100 million sperm—they are super tiny!—and the total amount you ejaculate is actually only about a teaspoon. Semen can be white or yellow or even a light gray. While semen is kind of thick when it leaves your body, within about 20 minutes, it liquefies because there are enzymes in your semen that start breaking down the proteins.

  Many boys touch their penis, and it feels good because it’s nature’s way of encouraging you to be familiar with a very pleasurable part of your body and your experience as a human male. While some cultures and religions have strong opinions about touching your penis, masturbation is a normal and biologically healthy thing to do. If you have concerns or questions about it, talking to someone you trust is the best way to understand it better.

  The Other 50 Percent of the Population

  What are some of the things you should know about girls? Don’t roll your eyes or skip this section if you think girls are lame; it’s important to read so you can be a well-rounded, educated male. Let’s put on our scientist hat and learn a bit about girls.

  The first thing many boys may think is fascinating or hilarious or weird or awesome about the female body is the presence of breasts. Breasts are fat deposits that women get over the pectoral muscles. All mammals have them but human breasts are very pronounced compared to other mammals’. Let’s chat about the word breasts for a minute. Some girls and boys call them boobs, or tits, or melons, or knockers, or jugs, or nunga-nungas, or dozens of other rather silly names; I prefer to just call them breasts. (You may want to make sure girls are cool with you using nicknames for their body parts in general; just a tip. And other people should probably check with you before calling your penis a willy or a Lincoln log or a trouser snake, too!)

  Some girls develop breasts early and get a lot of attention from boys because of it, and other girls are late bloomers. When girls’ bodies change has no impact on what they end up looking like as adults; I was a super late bloomer and ended up looking like most women I know in the body department. So don’t judge a girl by how she looks at 10 or 12 or even 16! Breasts actually vary a lot, even though the images of breasts we tend to see in the media show a certain shape and size that’s generally thought of as “normal.” Some breasts are round; others aren’t as round. Some seem to stand up, while others hang down more. And nipples are sometimes a bit different too—even for boys; some nipples “tuck in,” and that’s nothing to worry about.

  Here are a few sketches of different kinds of breasts. Keep in mind: all of these are normal!

  The Fascination with Breasts

  There’s a lot of talk in our culture about breasts, and a lot of attention is paid to which girls or women have the biggest breasts. Sometimes boys—and some girls—may find themselves staring at a woman’s breasts instead of her face. Boys tend to be fascinated with breasts because breasts are sexual organs in addition to being the things mammals use to feed babies. For all of mammalian history, your brains have been wired to see breasts as things that represent and stimulate arousal. Breasts are sensitive to touch, and they are a very accessible part of girls’ sexual bodies because they are just right there in plain view. Big breasts get more notice because they are easier to spot. The simple science is that it’s normal for many boys to get a really good feeling in their body when they see breasts. Once you become a man, you’ll see that there is a lot of variation regarding what kinds of breasts—and other body parts—you find attractive.

  Let’s take a glance at the inside of the female body.

  As you can see, unlike boys’ bodies, which have the penis and testicles on the outside, girls have all of their reproductive organs on the inside. Instead of testicles in a scrotum, girls have a set of ovaries, one on each side of their body right near their hip bones. Remember we talked about the genes on your Y chromosome that make girl parts into boy parts? Well, your testes started out as ovaries. Yup. Each ovary is about the size of an almond, and they are where the egg cells needed to make a baby are stored.

  The Testes Journey

  Once ovaries start becoming testes in a developing baby boy, they begin to make their way to the outside of the body so they can find their eventual place in the scrotum. In the process of the testes making their way to the outside of the body, there is sometimes a weakening of the path they take, leading to about 4 percent of baby boys being born with what’s called an inguinal hernia, or a slight rupture in the muscle wall of the groin, which allows the intestines to poke out a bit. This normally resolves on its own, but sometimes ther
e is a minor surgery performed to repair the rupture. Girls can also get inguinal hernias, but it’s much more common in boys. Another amazing thing about the testes journey is that in about 4 percent of babies, one (and less commonly, both) testicles don’t make their way all the way down into the scrotum! By the time a baby is 9 months old, the testicle has usually “dropped” on its own. If it hasn’t, this can be repaired with a minor surgery.

  All you see from the outside of the female body is what is called the vagina, and that’s NOT what girls pee out of. Girls pee out of a urethra just like boys do. Their urethra leads from the kidneys to a separate opening, which is really close to where the vagina is. The vagina is a passageway that leads to a very significant and amazing part of the female body called the uterus. The uterus is where the baby grows, and when it is time for a baby to be born, it moves down from the uterus and comes out of the vagina.

  The way girls’ bodies get affected by the hormones of puberty is the ovaries start releasing and sending out egg cells from the ovaries through a sort of corridor called the fallopian tubes. Then the egg hangs out in the uterus. An egg cell in the uterus can meet with a sperm cell and become a baby, but it can also make its way out of the body unfertilized in a process called menstruation. Girls usually call this “having their period.”

  A lot of boys and sometimes even girls feel weirded out talking about periods. But there is nothing to feel weird about. It’s normal, it’s biology, and it’s how we all got here. When I mention it, my sons avoid talking about it as much as possible, but I don’t want them to be afraid of knowing about biology. And I don’t want them to be weirded out by girls. It’s important to not only know about your body but also to know about the bodies of females, trust me.